25.

deleted.

24.

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23.

deleted.

22.

i want to cancel out my emotional shortcomings by showering myself in things only money can buy, only things money can provide; happiness is certainly included. i just want nice things and a nice, comfortable life.

i picture clean white walls, simplistic furniture, polished floorboards, framed prints hanging on every wall and a camera on the table. i want to be past this awkward stage of not knowing what to do and i desperately need inspiration and motivation. they say less is more, but what do you do when you have nothing.

21.

wednesday night was such a good night, it makes me realise my life will be vastly improved once i have a secure job and i can drink frequently. most of the group were drunk and some were beyond drunk, aka liam. all i can say is how did we have so much fun when there was a large period of time where we just had photos taken of us as i pulled heinous faces. i did not enjoy the hour walk home at all. i would like to thank my friends and new friends for making it a good night and to liam for providing the funnies; 'message the internet, tell it i am ready to go'.

and i'll i've got to say, is that you guys are all i need.

20.

normally i don't update out of laziness but recently it's because i haven't left the house very often, which in turn makes it hard to write about any new adventures although i doubt anyone really cares.

generally my day goes: wake up at two pm, turn on my computer and sign in and then retreat to my bed to watch episode after episode of grey's anatomy. i had always thought this series was utter crap from the one-off episodes i had seen on television but i've been sucked in and i'm only up to the second of five seasons. it's the right mix of drama and sadness that makes me look and sound like a girl, i live a good life. come sit on my bed sometime, i'll catch you up on the storyline.

hatred upon me, hatred upon you.

19.

my sleeping pattern is beyond fucked now, too many six am bedtimes and three pm wake ups. i haven't left the house in three days but thankfully tomorrow i'll at least go elsewhere to use the internet, and hopefully go out. almost cannot contain my excitement for friday.

i never sleep -> death's relative, you know the deal.

18.

saturday night was the dropsaw and jack napier show at trash, we got there pretty late and i didn't really start drinking until the bands finished.

i have seriously got to be the worst dancer ever, i don't even know what i do because i'm always drunk when it happens. spent a few hours up stairs and then as everyone was leaving i decided to call up the girl i was supposed to be staying with. see and somewhat ignore bort, break my belt and then walk to central where i am informed the train to said girls place doesn't come for like two hours, due to machine errors i got on the newcastle train ticketless and had a little spew in the toilets. it was almost 5am when i boarded, due to low battery i had no idea on the time but when i awoke at gosford it was daylight. trackwork meant i had to catch a bus from gosford to morriset and then back on a train to newcastle. next thing i know i've slept three stops past my own, i'm at the end of the line in newcastle hungover as fuck and it's 8:15am.

as i'm writing this it is 10am, i've been home for just under an hour and i think i'll go to sleep now because i feel like complete and utter shit.

i've got a love-hate relationship, with love and hate.

17.

this has been an excellent year for tours, nothing makes me feel more at home than seeing my favourite bands playing while being surrounded by some of my best friends. speaking of validation at the expense of others, seeing those dudes who used to write me off for no reason just drop away and hang at the civic. oh what a feeling.

this is going to be an incredible night, come and ruin the venue as this is her nightmare's final tour.


still ill after all these years, i feel at ease around my peers.

16.

wednesday night got pretty wyld. the night started out at the hamilton station hotel, where against, no love lost and onslaught were playing a free show on their current tour. get out and see against and no love lost, probably the two toughest bands in the country while still remaining friendly and approachable.

from there the party moved to the cambridge which i expected to be as average as usual. credit to liamAUTOPSY for making my night a success, his beer-buying generosity helped my enjoyment greatly. nights like those are the ones where i wish i actually had a job, it would have been an amazing journey if i was as loose as ollie and liam ended up getting. i was surprised the straight edge didn't stop josh from staying out all night, i have hard enough trouble looking after drunk punishers while i'm intoxicated.

we left at close and went raiding in kotara, didn't really find anything good besides standard garden lights. after some intense tactical driving maneuvers we stopped so ollie could have a spew and then headed home. tops night.

notable quotes from the night:
'74 packets of chips, no more and no less.'
'i'm just going to speak colectively here, we...'
'hey guys, i'm going to go smoke weed with these guys; they are all gay.'

i am aware this is a double negative but;

i don't see no fucking hope.